Reconsidering the Toxicity of Loneliness

From a now-famous abandoned bus in the Alaskan wilderness, a 24-year-old vagabond named Christopher McCandless—poisoned and starving—scrawled a few of his last words in the margins of one of his favorite books. It read:

“Happiness is only real when shared.”

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Let me begin by saying: I know how dangerous loneliness can be, especially for those of us with mental health challenges.

But I also love traveling alone. I love working alone. I love eating alone. Quality alone time is therapeutic; it’s chronic hermiting that becomes toxic.

I love my own company, though it wasn’t always that way. I used to fill blank spaces with bad energy. I craved surface-level connection over beers—the half-hearted kind.

Ever been neck-deep in a relationship that didn’t align? That’s loneliness of the highest order.

As humans, real connection is the sauce of life. But must time alone always be labeled as “toxic loneliness”?

Last week, the New York Times published a piece titled “Americans Are Unhappier Than Ever. Solo Dining May Be a Sign.”

What if that so-called sign is also an antidote?

When you feel alone, take yourself to a nice dinner. No phone. No distractions. Just you, your hunger, and a table for one. A real meal, enjoyed slowly.

Dining alone feels small. It’s not.

The act of sitting with yourself, in full public view, is one of the clearest ways to say: I’m worth my own time.

Don’t feel like going out? Order takeout, light a candle, and put on that playlist any reasonable person would find unbearable.

We treat loneliness like a virus to mask. Sometimes, it’s just your soul tapping the table, asking you to sit down and stay awhile.

If you can fall in love with your own company, you can stop reaching outside yourself for comfort or wholeness.

Then connection comes easy. You begin to live from the inside out.

Sometimes, loneliness is less about disconnection from others, and more about disconnection from self.

A self-date is a signal to your soul.

A taking of the stand.
And a grabbing of the fork.

Moving to Substack

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Have a great week, all.

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